Almost ten years ago I met someone who immediately made my life better- worth living. We fell in love instantly and our relationship was less than perfect. Although our hearts were always in the right place and our love a desperate fragile thing, I walked away too easily out of frustration and he wouldn’t let me in as much as I needed. No matter what the disagreement, we always seemed to mend the hole and patch things up. Hurtful words and objects thrown around were just signs of passion we had for one another. Patch sewn after patch, we grew up in time. Older and wiser, turmulutous relationships come and gone and we were always there for one another as the safety net we had always been. I’m not sure how I thought this would go. We have always known that no matter how many chances we have given each other, something in the timing was never right. So now I am married and you are engaged and things are different. Aggressive and sad. I don’t want to lose you entirely. You have been a good friend to me for a long time and in my darkest hour you showed me what it meant to live again. My husband has given me a new life entirely and shown me a place surrounded by love and communication and laughter and understanding. I love him more than anything in the world and I hope you feel in your new life the same comfort and joy.
With just days to go, it amazes me how calm, cool, and collected my fiance is. This man, having been divorced once in the past, is looking forward to our wedding without a visible shred of fear. I am beyond excited and do not feel an ounce of fear about getting married in and of itself. Instead, I am afraid of that moment where everyone turns around to look at me. I could pass out or boot just at the thought of it.
My mom has done an absolutely phenomenal job at home. Mom has made sure the carpet got replaced, the downstairs in freshly painted, and there are more autumnal decorations than any garden center in New England. Mums, cornstalks, pumpkins, roses, and sunflowers in place, I can’t wait to see the house! Mom has added simple touches like twinkling white lights and leaf garland. I now have something old, something new, something borrowed, and something blue. Now all I need to do is work through my nerves. Everything should be fine once I am surrounded by my family. I know that, once in front of my handsome man, all will be well and my nerves settled.
I am reallly excited for the attire as well. Hubs will be wearing a white dress shirt, dress pants and shoes with black suspenders and fedora. I have a beautiful new gown that makes me look like I am wearing whipped cream, with a beautiful bird cage veil adorned in feathers and stones. Our little girl has a beautiful dress and shoes I also got for a steal and little man will have dress shirt, pants, and suspenders. I really am starting to get super excited!
Tomorrow Chad and I head down to CT to see my family and friends. I can’t wait! On top of it, there isn’t a mother-given scheduled time crunch! Woo-hoo! I can’t wait to squish my sister-wife, see my parents, my brothers, my nephews, my dogs and cats and birds…SQUEEEEEE!!! I feel like it’s been forever!
Loud alarm sounding
Unwelcome morning hours
Today feels like Monday.